it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize