dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
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Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
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The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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