you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
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He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
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The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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