I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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