If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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