Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
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I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
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The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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