When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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