The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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