he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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