I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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