I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize