That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
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im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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