i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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