Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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