Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize