May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
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They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
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If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize