I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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