what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
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So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
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I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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