dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
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No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
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I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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