I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
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It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
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He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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