i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
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