I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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