Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize