i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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