dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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