great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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