apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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