I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
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he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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