K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
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It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
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It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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