I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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