If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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