I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
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