So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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