I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
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and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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