The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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