im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We need to rekindle our bromance
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
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I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
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I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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