I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize