another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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