I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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