just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize