Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize