I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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