Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
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We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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