You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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