I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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