I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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