I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize