also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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