ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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