he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize