I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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