I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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