how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize